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The Need to Hate
I was getting ready to write a short piece on the difficulties of finding work today. About trying to find a job when someone is 50, over 20 years experience in a particular field, but getting passed over for kids right out of college. I know the reasons, and they are quite sound from a long-term ROI point of view. Still, the more I wrote the angrier I got. I realized I had started using the word “hate” quite a bit in my rhetoric. Then it hit me. The “hating” made me actually feel a little better about myself. I was transferring a lot of my own insecurities and “hate” of my own inability and inaction onto others. It felt empowering, and oh so wrong. I was fired up and words were flowing when wham… it hit me. Humans seem to have a need to hate.
I stopped writing and started pondering on how it might apply to the world. The ongoing Muslim Mosque/not-a-Mosque issues came to mind. There are groups now springing up all over the US trying to stop Mosques. One in Tennessee is trying to “stop” the formation of a Mosque that has been there for 30 years. I think deep down these people know there is no issue, that in reality, any terrorist cell would most likely be operating as far from the public eye as possible. But it’s just plain easier to hate. Makes us forget that we’ve abandoned our own gods. Makes us feel better when we do something violent or wrong to be able to say, “Hell, at least I’m not a Muslim terrorist!” Humans seem to use the hate to sooth the feeling of inadequacy when shown how little we actually know. Hate is like saying, “I know you are, but what am I”. Childish, immature, and yet so easy to say.
Humans seem to have a need to hate. But do we really need to? Are we doomed to forever walk around with chips on our shoulders, looking for a fight because we can’t kick the dog? I really don’t know. I wish I had an answer, some pithy little panacea that would suddenly make it all right. I don’t. All I know is that I try my best, and sometimes fail, as the beginning of this post pointed out, to follow the common sense teachings of old. Always judge others based on who they are, not what they are. Respect everyone as an equal, no better, no worse than yourself. Seek power from within yourself. It’s a poor chef that blames his oven. ( Sorry, had to, this is supposed to be somewhat of a food blog )
So why am I writing this? Who knows. My original idea blew up in my face for one. I also think in some way it’s because I turn 50 in 35 days and I’m beginning to look at things with an end-game in sight. With one son going into the Air Force and the other still finding out who he is, the uncertainty in this world weighs on me. I’m getting tired of all the hate. I watch political ads from all sides with my insides in knots and wonder where the hell we went wrong. I question how people can say “I love all God’s creatures!” and then follow that up with, “Except for those damn…” I ponder the insanity of believing a God created all we see, all we are, and yet believe that there is only one way to know this God, and all other ways are wrong and should be stopped. I’m also wonder why those who don’t believe in a God say those that do are somehow inferior or wrong.
Mostly, I think, I’m just plain tired of people feeling a need to force opinions, beliefs, understandings on others. And then when others don’t agree with them, they start the hate. Surely we’ve come far enough to have debate without hate. Or, maybe we really do need hate to survive. I sure as hell hope not.
Gregor
Posted on August 26th, 2010 in Banter by Gregor.
Hi!
I would beg to disagree – up to a point. I do not think that people “need” to hate. I think that true hate is either a personal choice, or, what seems more often nowadays, a choice they have been taught to make – by parents, family, media, talking heads, hatemongers, netarazzi, agenda pushers, and their assumed peers. I do not believe hate is a natural human need.
Anger – now, that, is a natural need. And, I think you are, at least in your case, confusing the two. Anger at not being able to find a job. Anger at some of the places where your life has led you, anger at “the system”, anger at God, Mr. Murphy and the spirits of karma. This is not hate. You do not necessarily hate these things, you are just angry at something they have done.
When I bash my thumb with a hammer, I am angry. I rant, rail, yell, jump up & down, and call the hammer names. Do I “hate” the hammer? Of course not. But, I have a need to let the emotion, in this case anger at the situation, emerge and dissipate.
So, if you are angry at General Motors because your car just broke, or they will not give you a job, that is fine and natural. That does NOT mean you hate General Motors (well, maybe you do). But you get the point.
Anger is a natural human emotion. Disagreement and debate is a natural part of a thinking life. Hate, however, is a learned behavior.
Hey Michael!
I can see your points on hate being a learned behavior, and in fact I do agree that in a lot cases the hate people feel is learned, bigotry and racism being at the top of the list. I still believe the formation, or even the ability to hate in the first place, starts from natural behavior, and I think that’s what I was trying to convey.
If I bash my thumb enough times, my anger will turn to hate, and I will hate to use that hammer. In fact, I will begin to hate that hammer so much, I’ll find ways not to use or deal with hammers of any kind. I will begin to hate hammers. It’s easier for me to hate hammers and not use them, than it is for me to try and use one when I know I’m going to get hurt and angry.
I feel that anger, left unchecked, can and will turn to hatred. And the real problem is that once anger becomes hatred, it is no longer directed just at the person,place or thing we were angry at, but rather and any and all people, places or things that remind us of what caused that anger. Hate becomes a tool to deal with things we don’t understand, or don’t want to understand. I could take the time to try and understand why I keep hitting myself with a hammer, but it’s easier for me to just say I hate hammers and get a different tool, or get someone else to use the hammer.
And I totally agree with you that disagreement and debate is natural part of thinking life, as you put it. We need debate to progress and learn, but we need healthy debate. Debate in which both sides are there to present an opinion, to respectfully listen, and to keep an open mind. Debate in which one side or the other resorts to violence, physical or mental, is not healthy debate. Going into a debate with the mind set that you are there to win, not to teach or learn, is not healthy debate. Especially in our current political spectrum, we need more heathy debate, and less hate debate. Man, I can’t believe I said “hate debate” but there you go.
Finally, I think we need to be careful when words themselves take on more meaning than what they represent. If a person lashes out at every Muslim they see because of the actions of a few, or a Muslim lashes out at every American because of the actions of a few, calling it anger or hate really doesn’t change the end result.
Just my 2 cents, or in todays market economy, about a plug nickel.